No More Secrets

I’m not keeping secrets any more.

Several times, I’ve tried to talk about my real life… but I have trouble finding the words over the voices in my head. The voices shout things like….Don’t embarrass your family. Don’t tell too much. Don’t be negative. Put a positive spin on it so people won't feel bad for you. Be honoring to God. People wont buy from you if they know you're sick. The list is much longer… but, you get my point.

After several attempts to share my real life, but being unable to find a starting point, I’ve decided to come at this from a different viewpoint. In the past, I’ve tried to start at the beginning… but seeing how that is muddled and blurry, it’s almost impossible for me to start there.

So, I start from my current perspective.

A bed.

A Cat

Beads

Paint

And a window.

I’ve been in bed for two days. The short version… Four years ago a doctor accidentally removed part of my urinary tract, my left ureter, instead of removing my ovary. The consequences? Too lengthy to go into today. What I can tell you is that I have issues and it results in seasons where I suffer from cysts that form or infections related to my urinary tract. I hurt. Pain is my constant companion. Because of the pain, I fight feelings of anger that this medical mistake happened. I fight the urge to loathe and wallow in self pity. I fight voices that tell me God is punishing me. I fight demons that tell me death would be such sweet relief.

Before you judge me too harshly, remember, I’m baring my soul here. Be kind to me. Please.

There is an upside, Sarahfide.

Most of the time, I can still paint beads and run a business from bed. In fact, many of you may be dropping your jaws right now, because you didn’t know. Which, in many ways, is how I want it to be. My illness shouldn’t have anything to do with my business… but it does. Sarahfide was born from the bedside of a sick woman. The sick woman being me. In many ways, the woman you see today is because of Sarahfide ~ my jewelry biz. Sarahfide was born because of this medical injury. I started hand making earrings to get me through the day. I am the woman I am today, because of the healing Sarahfide has brought me. One can not exist without the other.

The good news is, I always get better. After bed rest and over the counter IBUProfen, the swelling goes down, the pain dims and I feel normal (my normal) again. 

You might wonder how this affects business… it doesn’t. I have plenty of inventory, so when someone purchases something, I can pull it out of the drawer and ship it. Of course, it does mean that my hubby, John, has to pull out my adorable Sarahfide packaging and tie a pretty little bow; seeing how he was a warehouse manager for almost 15 years, he can handle it. Hopefully I’ve proven, I’m in this… All in. No matter if I’m sick or not.

Opening doors like this always lead to questions…and I want to be an open book. So here’s a little bit more, which might give you some insight into my life and more specifically, my health.

I’ve been as far as the top urologist at Mayo Clinic, there is no fix. I have to learn to live with kidney issues, urinary related infections and my current situation, cysts. This is and how it is. At some point, hopefully a long way off, the pain or a fever will force me to go to the hospital. I’ll be probed and prodded, like I’ve already been 100 times, seriously, I have some crazy stories. Surgery will be discussed and I’ll be encouraged to take medication that will help dull the pain or shrink the cyst or fight off infection, but medication comes at a cost. I know, because I’ve taken them and I’ve taken myself off of them. In all of the cases the medication didn’t seem to work and the side effects were sever. The bottom line, my body will never recover from the internal damage done. I just have to learn to live life, the best I can, and make the most with what I’ve been given. Which by the way…. is a lot. God has given me an amazing supportive husband. So supportive that he purchased my business license and did all the leg work to get me what I needed. God has given me the most amazing daughters who are a breath of fresh air and a HUGE reason I grin and bare it and don’t give into self loathing or drown myself in pain medications. I have parents and siblings that would drop anything and everything to help me, if I needed it. AND!!! I have you. Amazing, supportive, positive women who love me and my creations. Who not only buy my jewelry but wear it proudly. Talk about blessed. God has given me so much. He has been faithful, when I am not.

When I think about God, and His goodness, it’s the number one reason I want to share my real life. The girl you see in the top picture, the beautiful diva decked out in the most amazing jewelry, she’s me.. and the girl in the bed… well, she’s me too. Both pictures are me. Welcome to my real life. No more secrets.

Glimpse Into My Private Collection

Welcome to a rare glimpse inside my private jewelry collection. Fifty-six of my favorite brooches pictured here with many more packed away.

I started Sarahfide two years ago but my love for jewelry and vintage accessories started when I was a child.

Three years ago, when we moved from our large home to our current home, which is small, I packed away a lot of my jewelry and my vintage accessories. Some of the few vintage pieces that aren’t packed have been making a few appearances, you can see one of them in the picture. Notice the glove…

Today, I unpacked, sorted, and organized my jewelry collection.

-If there was ever ANY question if creating jewelry is my calling, talent, gift.... today brought finality and an end to those hidden questions that linger at the back of my mind.

~Isn’t it amazing how God curates our lives. As long as I can remember….

I. (have and will always)

Love.

Jewelry.

I love beautiful, well made, quality jewelry. I also love vintage costume jewelry. Gaudy, delicious, exquisite beads that, well... you don't see any more. I can not be more excited that I am breaking the mold in the jewelry industry. I'm not just assembling some jewelry kit and selling it or buying already made jewelry and reselling it, I'm creating jewelry from scratch. It starts with a raw wood bead and the value of that wood bead is purely based on the skill, creativity, and time I put into it.

I am excited to share more!!!

P.S. If you think I have a lot of brooches, just wait till I show you my private bangle bracelet collection. W.O.W!

But for now, I leave you with my Sarahfide Bangle Collection available HERE where all my Fall Jewelry can be seen…. also, notice the handkerchief in the top left corner…

…. beautiful.

XO

~s

Painting Broken Flowers

Before eighteen months ago, I had never picked up a small paint brush. I’ve painted walls but slapping paint on a wall in a house is a lot different than detailed painting on a small bead. I’ve Never. Ever. considered myself an artist. Creative, yes. Artistic, no.

When I launched Sarahfide.com, I had no intention of painting anything, but as I started building my earring collection, I needed specific colored beads. I looked into purchasing (painted) beads but since many of the earrings were one-of-a-kind, it wasn’t economical for me to spend money on strands of beads when I only needed two or four beads of a certain color. That is when I started painting my own beads. My first paint colors were teal and mustard. These are an updated earring of my original earring designs, now available on my site.

Teal Zeal Dangles All Day Fun Dangles

As Sarahfide grew, I started to receive requests for more intricate jewelry creations. It seemed every month I receive a request that challenge my skills. The thing that scared me the most were flowers. In truth, I have a gift with colors, blending and obviously making a beautiful, wearable piece of jewelry but flowers!!! that takes skill. Artistic skill!!

A few weeks ago, I received a special request for a Mother’s Day gift. I was asked to recreate a china pattern onto a bracelet. Back Story- My client’s Mother-In-Law had one dish from her mother’s china and it had been broken. The pieces were collected and It was being displayed in a shadow box.

This was the picture that was provided to me.

Requests like this are so exciting!! I love being challenged with new creations and I love being a part of something so special!! This was sure to be a beautiful and meaningful gift. BUT…. the china pattern was… FLOWERS!!….

In first grade, Miss. Dubois, my first grade teacher, with gentile patience, would place a small wooden train on my desk and read the book, “The Little Engine That Could”, every time I would say, “I can’t.” Almost forty years later, when faced with something that seems impossible, I still think of Miss. Dubois and the little wooden train.

Truth, I didn’t succeed the first time or the second time, but I didn’t give up.

Friend, I don’t know what painting broken flowers looks like to you. Maybe it is making a huge life choice that terrifies you, or making a commitment that is going to force you to sacrifice a comfort. We all have moments when we are looking at something daunting. Try. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Try, Try again!!

Click the video to see the details up close.

I feel honored that you continue to believe in me!! It was a joy and honor to create so many amazing pieces this Mother’s Day!! Thank you for inviting Sarahfide into your lives and wearing it so proudly!!

If You Hit A Wall, Swim. Fly!

Have you hit a wall lately in your life? Maybe at your J.O.B., in your marriage, with a friend??

I did. Four short years ago, during a necessary, common surgery, a doctor accidentally removed the majority of my left ureter. (They were attempting to remove my left ovary, but made a mistake.) It was devastating. Life changing. What should have been an outpatient surgery, turned into a half month stent, in a hospital. Three surgeries, a dozen procedures, and top physicians couldn’t repair the damage that had been done. My body was, is, and forever, will be broken. I spent the first three years mostly recovering from my latest surgery or procedure. Then, I received the devastating news from Mayo Clinic, that the pain, infections, and possible kidney failure were just going to be part of my life. There was noting they could do. The damage was done and it was not repairable.

My Brick Wall.

I gave in to the idea that I had lost myself on that surgical table. I was hopeless… depressed. I felt like a giant taker. No longer a functioning contributor to my family or society. I believed I had noting to give. I fell prey to the lies that I was worthless, unnecessary, and unneeded. Just existing was hard.

The details of my recovery are another story, and one I am anxious to tell, but not today.

I will say, that as a part of my recovery, I started trying to create things to give to others. I wanted so much to bring JOY to others. I started making small gifts and it evolved into making jewelry. Then…Sarahfide was born. I had learned to SWIM.

Sarahfide has become so important to me. It is my pride and JOY!

Why?

First, it has helped me see my value. Even if I didn’t have Sarahfide, I am no longer blinded by the lies that I am worthless. I have an amazing husband and three beautiful children and I contribute to their lives, Just By Being Me.

Secondly, I’m ready to contribute. Not only do I want to pick myself up and live, but I want to thrive!!! I want to contribute to my church, my family and friends, and to my home. Two years ago, we sold our home. We couldn’t afford to live there and pay my rising medical expenses, with my declining health. After selling our home, we moved into an old property owned by my parents. It is a mobile home, made in the Seventies. This is where we now lay our heads but it has never felt like our home. We are grateful for our community, our family but I am ready to stand on my own two feet. My dream, my husbands dream, AND our three girls pray that Sarahfide will be successful enough to buy a home of our own. Not new… not large… just ours.

So, you can see, there is much to be done. The wall is still there. Going that way is not an option for me. Daily, I struggle with the consequences of this medical injury. It is not going to go away. I am leaning how to do life differently. I am now in the water and I am swimming. I have a goal, a destination, and I am determined to get there, even if I have to learn how to FLY!

No matter your dream, don’t give up. Never! Give! Up!. If you hit a wall, find another way. There is always a way around. Swim. Fly, if you have to!